7:13 a.m. Dear god it is awake and
demanding snacks. Chug. 1/4 cup. Snacks opened and I have appeased the beast for 2.5 seconds.
7:13.30 a.m. Yes dear, that IS a purple heart snack, and yes, that is a white one! Good job on your colors. I have lost the ability to chug my coffee. I am sad. "What is this momma?" "It is a heart sna.. whoa whoa. Drop it. I don't know what that is." I forgot to sweep last night. Quickly sweep.
7:17 a.m. It is demanding more snacks. I attempt to redirect to cereal. "Yeah! I want snacks AND cereal. I do it. I do it!" Sure, anything, just please stop climbing on me. You are wet. In the kitchen "No cereal. I want snacks." No snacks. It cries. Loudly.
7:22 a.m. Cereal on table. It is glaring at me. My coffee is cold. Disgustingly cold. I should probably be getting dressed. But the preschooler is now stirring. And now the beast is requesting Little Einsteins. T.V or schoolbooks? Crap, I still need to study. He wants up. Nevermind, he wants my chair.
7:27 a.m. I forgot the diaper. Thank god I didn't get dressed. "No, you may not have more 'stupid' snacks. That is an icky word. Stop kicking the table." It cries. Louder.
7:30 a.m. Crunchtime. Crap. Work clothes are in the dryer. Across the backyard in the laundry room. It is storming. Who the hell designed the house this way? 1/4 cup of coffee still. So very very cold.
7:37 a.m. 1/2 dressed. Husbands coffee made. I have given up on mine. Where is my bra? It is crying. It wants up. I hug it. Thinking about stealing husband's coffee.
7:40 a.m. Bangs straightened. Where the hell is one of the 5 brushes I own? Messy bun. Found my bra. (Under the pile of 15 wrappers from the snacks I gorged myself on before bed.) Fully dressed. Preschooler still sleeping? Not sure if that is a good thing or bad thing. Toddler wants more snacks, up and down, more cereal and his cat.
7:45 a.m. Time to warm up car. Toddler attempts to follow, despite my instructions not to leave the house. His feet get cold & starts crying. Cringe. Start ancient car, grab toddler and run inside. Dry feet. Give hug & kiss. Place toddler on daddy.
7:47 a.m. Work keys. He wants up. Again. And is crying. Again. Cold coffee not settling well. I may vomit. I'd better not be pregnant. Preschooler up and happily watching Einsteins. I engage. He wants candy. I should not have engaged.
7:55 a.m. Almost out the door. The beast cries and tries to kick the dog. I chastise. Shit, I forgot to feed the dog.
8:00 a.m. Dog fed, in my car. Bluetooth radio. "Shovels & Rope." Daddy's shift now. No crying, no wantings, no needings to be met. Drive.
8:05 a.m. "Evil" on radio. I stop begind a car with 'baby on board' in window. I see a little hand pop up and miss my boys little hands. Teary-eyed. I should have held him longer. I should have hugged them harder. "I'm a dead dog lying on the sidewalk." Yes. Yes I am. Note to self: Be a better mom. Get back in your lane fuckface!
8:26 a.m. At work with 4 minutes to spare. Thankfully I am at our slow location today. I can study.
*I love my kids. I jokingly call them "it, beast, monster, stink" and a slew of other endearing terms. This is my attempt at a new coping mechanism for the petty frustrations of everyday that coagulate into a large clot of shittiness before it reaches my heart & brain.
No comments:
Post a Comment